Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Family Relations

There comes a time even with family members, when you have to cut your losses and move on. It is a tragedy, and you go through a mourning process for the death of that relationship or relationships. But sometimes it is what must be done.

I have come to treasure loyalty above all, intelligence and just basic goodness, human decency and honesty. When it becomes apparant that there are those in your own family that lack these basics, it is painful. Worse yet, when they show a hatefulness that is so ugly, and a wanting to lash out with deliberately hurtful outright lies, half truths and twisted truths it is appalling at best.

When human beings work hard to control other people and exhibit bitterness born of so many things, they are unhealthy souls. When they lead lives filled with judgement for others, racism, focus on trivialities, and thrive on drama and the need to be the center of attention at all times, that ugliness oozes onto those around them. When these people happen to be your own family, it is hard to accept what they are. You make every attempt to look away, make excuses and find the good in them. Sometimes, that simply isn't good enough.

There are things that have been said and done that I wouldn't say or do to my worst enemy. I cry for their souls. I mourn the loss of the family that once was. But I don't mourn the loss of these damaged people from my life. It was Buddha that said when a simpleton abuses you, return the abuse like an unwanted gift. So I will not and cannot take upon myself the ugliness that exists inside them. They and they alone will have to own that.

I wish them peace and happiness. And I wish them never to darken my doorway again. I too, am entitled to peace and happiness and a life free of unecessary drama. These are harsh realities to accept. But I have to accept that I cannot change what exists inside of them. And so I have to put myself and my children first. We deserve better.

It is with no regrets that I move on, and leave these people behind. Family is what you make it. I choose to make mine with kind, intelligent, honest people who have mine and my children's best interests at heart. And in return, they will get the same. That is what makes family, not blood relationships, but the people who stand beside you fiercely and unwaveringly. I am so grateful for those people in my life. And I am equally grateful for the strength I have been given to walk away from that which is poisonous and towards beauty, truth, and peace.


  1. Recognizing and stepping away from the toxic people in our lives can sometimes be difficult, but doing it leads to a better appreciation of, and relationship with, the folks who understand what friendship and love really mean. You've always got family here!

  2. It is the family I have with you all and my other fierce family that gives me the strength to walk away. I have learned from those relationships what family is really about. And it makes a glaring contrast to the toxic people. I refuse to accept less then. I have been blessed with amazing family and I am eternally grateful.